The Veil

This is a post I wrote right after my second of my two miscarriages, which happened on 1-1-09:

Darkness overwhelms me as I try to move around. I can't see. I can't move.

A dark veil consumes me as I try to say or do anything. I just lay there. I can't see. I can't move. I can't talk.

I grow sadder and sadder. I shut my eyes. Total darkness. A tension builds in my throat and tears begin flowing.

I sob uncontrollably. The tears flow more. I fall asleep.

A silence is over me as I open my eyes. I look around but still can't see. The veil still clouds me.

But today I can move. I get up and fumble around. Putting one foot in front of the other I leave the room.

I see light. Beautiful light. It gets brighter with every step I take. I can feel. I can hear.

Warm bodies, soft, reassuring voices. I recognize one of them and smile.

Suddenly the veil becomes lighter. The light becomes brighter and I can make out the form of a person.

I feel energized and smile again. I move around a little more. The light becomes even brighter.

Warm, soft arms envelop me as I move closer to the form. I embrace it as I sob once again, this time out of relief.

I feel free as the veil is now gone. No more weight. No more darkness. Nothing but warm, yellow light and soft, strong arms to embrace me.

I have nothing to fear except myself. The sadness is gone. I feel light again.