Thursday, October 15, 2009

Missing You

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My dear Pumpkin and Peanut,

I miss you guys so much! Pumpkin, you'd be running around the house probably by now and I wouldn't have the time to keep up with this blog as much as I do because I'd be chasing you around, along with taking care of little Peanut! I know that you guys are doing well, though, in the hands of our Good Lord and your great-grandma. I know that they are taking good care of you both. Mommy misses you both!

XOXO

It is a club nobody ever wants to join. The loss of a child, whether born or not, is horridly painful and forever ingrained in the mind of the parent(s) who were affected by it. My first angel, Pumpkin, would be a year old. Our second, Peanut, would be about a month and a half old. Once Snowflake (AKA Jessica Nicole) came along, Keith and I were terrified that something was going to happen to her. I was initially spooked at the double line on the test but then I felt a wave of confidence that all would be OK.

Even after that wave, however, I still had and have my moments of fear and what-ifs. For instance, I know it's normal, especially at this point in my pregnancy, for a baby to be quiet here and there. When I think Jessie's been quiet for too long, part of me wants to freak out until I feel her move again, then I can relax for a little while. For the most part I am OK about not panicking, repeating the ol' PAL (Preggo After a Loss) mantra: "FAITH OVER FEAR." She WILL be OK.

I just want my Pumpkin and Peanut to know that they will always have a place in Keith and my hearts and they will never be forgotten. Ever.

Godspeed, little fellas.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Hugs mama.

karmapearl said...

Hugs to you and your hubby. It's hard to believe that my green bean would be over a year old by now, too. Where does the time go?

I know what you mean about keeping those freak-outs at bay.. But we all just have to remember that "faith over fear". I know you and I will be holding these little ones soon, and before we know it will be chasing them all around our houses :)

Chele said...

(((HUGS)))

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