Thursday, October 15, 2009

Missing You


My dear Pumpkin and Peanut,

I miss you guys so much! Pumpkin, you'd be running around the house probably by now and I wouldn't have the time to keep up with this blog as much as I do because I'd be chasing you around, along with taking care of little Peanut! I know that you guys are doing well, though, in the hands of our Good Lord and your great-grandma. I know that they are taking good care of you both. Mommy misses you both!


It is a club nobody ever wants to join. The loss of a child, whether born or not, is horridly painful and forever ingrained in the mind of the parent(s) who were affected by it. My first angel, Pumpkin, would be a year old. Our second, Peanut, would be about a month and a half old. Once Snowflake (AKA Jessica Nicole) came along, Keith and I were terrified that something was going to happen to her. I was initially spooked at the double line on the test but then I felt a wave of confidence that all would be OK.

Even after that wave, however, I still had and have my moments of fear and what-ifs. For instance, I know it's normal, especially at this point in my pregnancy, for a baby to be quiet here and there. When I think Jessie's been quiet for too long, part of me wants to freak out until I feel her move again, then I can relax for a little while. For the most part I am OK about not panicking, repeating the ol' PAL (Preggo After a Loss) mantra: "FAITH OVER FEAR." She WILL be OK.

I just want my Pumpkin and Peanut to know that they will always have a place in Keith and my hearts and they will never be forgotten. Ever.

Godspeed, little fellas.


Melissa said...

Hugs mama.

karmapearl said...

Hugs to you and your hubby. It's hard to believe that my green bean would be over a year old by now, too. Where does the time go?

I know what you mean about keeping those freak-outs at bay.. But we all just have to remember that "faith over fear". I know you and I will be holding these little ones soon, and before we know it will be chasing them all around our houses :)

Chele said...


Related Posts with Thumbnails