Saturday, September 7, 2013

A clueless girl's rudimentary guide to football:

It's that time of year again, folks, when (grown) men, in stadiums throughout the USA, run around chasing an oval-shaped, brown ball, with cute stitching on top, around a field. The field has two yellow goal posts which look like a robotic-shaped letter 'Y' on each end of it (commonly referred to as an end- zone). The objective is to get the ball into the opposing team's end zone or something. 

But that is no easy feat. Or is it? It appears incredibly easy from high up, or even on tv, where we can see which end zone is whose. But from the ground? How is it possible? Both end zones look alike! Obviously I've never played tackle football before but I can guarantee you that I would be the oddball running the ball in the wrong direction, all disoriented from seeing so many different men dressed alike and nearly all running after me...

But back to the game: Then the unfortunate ball-carrier either trips over his shoelaces (a fumble?) or gets straight-up tackled (or -*gasp*- sacked!). The men then pile on top of each other, with said ball being hugged by the poor guy at the bottom, who I am sure is thankful summer is on its way out, being so close to the guys. 

Then they line up, scatter a few others around for good measure, throw the ball up in the air and do it all again. For two hours. But there are breaks in this cycle; occasionally a man will break through his invisible wall and somehow make it to the other end of the field, with the little oval still in his arms. That, my friends, is a touchdown. Said man then may spike the ball to the ground and throw his arms up in the air, shouting celebratory remarks (whilst the opposing team surely utter curse words under their helmets). But it's no shenanigan; that victorious runner just earned his team six points on the board. And if he kicks the little brown oval with the cute stitching on top through the top of the big Y, it's an extra point. Hey, every little bit helps.

Finally, the game narrows down to the last couple of minutes, probably the slowest part of the game (especially if you're watching on TV!). If the game happens to be tied, it could go either way as both teams scramble to get hold of that little brown oval with the cute stitching. Sometimes, unfortunately, the game is already won or lost, depending on who you root for.

Once it's over, though, one thing is for sure: we can't wait for the next game of men chasing the that little brown oval around the stadium, but then it all goes too fast- before we know it the Super Bowl is over and we are vacuuming confetti off of our living room rugs and savoring the last of the ranch dip with the chips of the potato chips.

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