My, how time flies! One month already!?

My little Jessica Nicole turns one month old today. That's right- one month ago today, I was in epidural heaven in L&D just waiting for the good word to start pushing her out, which was very close at this time. Once all that was said and done, I held a beautiful, 8 lbs 2 oz , 20.5 in. long little girl in my arms.

Today, that not-so-little girl has blossomed up to 9 lbs 12.5 oz, 21.5 in. long and has a 15-inch head! Yikes! I know it's just a matter of time before I'm posting here about her first real attempt at crawling. Lately she has been shimmying (is that a word?) up and down Daddy's and my chests when we hold her in the evenings.

She is becoming more alert these days, with the exception of today- she had her second Hep B shot. It stung her like h-e-double hockey sticks and seemed to make her sluggish today- Her Snowiness had a few choice words (which I will kindly omit here) about it, but once the pacifier was advised by mommy all was ok. She will get a few more shots next month at her two-month visit (but not all 7- mama's skeered of her having a bad reaction to that many viruses in her system. Let's not overload her!). Gotta think about the long term here- she'll be immune to these awful diseases!  Please note that this topic is not open to debate, though... we have made up our minds on this. :)

It's just so hard to believe that this is what she looked like exactly a month ago (OK, minus a day... I had NO energy for pictures right after she was born.. lol).

And this is Her Snowiness today:

Look at how much wider-open those eyes are today!

Two Weeks!?

Where did the time go!? My little girl had her first doctor's appointment last Friday on her two-week birthday, along with her repeat newborn screen, which she hated. She kicked and screamed through it (the poor nurse had to fill the little circles on the card completely while fighting snowflake's kicking and wiggling) but we survived it, even though mommy nearly started crying right along with her daughter.

She was born 8 lbs. 2 oz. and 20.5 in. long, left the hospital at 7 lbs. 10 oz. By the time of her doc visit, she was up to 8 lbs. 9 oz- she gained her birthweight back and then some! Go girl! She also grew 1/4 of an inch, to 20 3/4 in. long. Her next visit is in two more weeks. I can't wait to see how much more she will grow between now and then!

On the feeding front, this breastfeeding thing is alot of work! However, it is well worth it. I love the close, bonding feeling I get when she is looking at me while drinking away on the boob. We are still supplementing with formula, mostly at night now. I rented a pump from the hospital to #1- try to get my supply back up and #2- get ready for the dreaded return from work. I would like to pump milk for feeding her while I am gone off at work. Hopefully it all works out!

BTW, if y'all get a hold of the winning lottery numbers, please let me in on it! Pretty please?

And now, for your viewing pleasure, some pics of Her Snowiness!

This was taken on the ONE nice day we had last week. (Can you tell I'm so OVER winter??)

These last two were taken on my phone, hence the graininess. (bleh!)

Super Saturday

Wow. Only 10 more days (not counting today, of course) until my due date. I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant now, ready to pop any day now! We're working on cleaning our house up inside and out (minus the backyard, which is and always will be, completely trashed thanks to the dog) and my cousin is giving me some of her old baby gear (a swing, a seat and some misc items she came across) so we're pretty much set!

I just need a breast pump, which I need to call about b/c I can get a Medela that retails for about $300 for only $160 through my work. That will save us a chunk of $$ right there as formula is so expensive! As for childcare when I return to work, Jessica will be staying with her Grammy. We just have to work out logistics for getting her to and from there... it's an hour-long, 60-mile trip! EEK! We are entertaining a couple of ideas, though. They will be disclosed at a later date.

My maternity leave will likely start when Jessica arrives. Since I haven't been at my job for even 90 days let alone a year, I get pretty much nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. My understanding, though is that I can get 6, 8, or 12 weeks out. But it will be without pay. I'd love to have 12 weeks but I don't know that we can afford it. On the other hand, if we can handle working out our finances and my girls do well enough feeding Miss Jessica, it would give us a little more breathing time, time to work out our crazy logistics and ideas.

Now for the fun stuff. I had my 38-week appointment on Wednesday and everything looked good! BP was good, weight- ick, Jessy's HR- 156, cervix- still high but dilated to 1 (WOOT!). The doc floored us by mentioning eviction of our little girl. I didn't schedule anything but probably will at our next appointment, this coming Wed. I guess it's one pitfall of giving birth at a big hospital. The schedule fills up fast. lol It is definitely better to schedule us in then cross us off if we go into labor. If not (worst case scenario) we have, um, three weeks left of baking at most. EEK! (And 3 weeks from today would put us at 41w3d, but with the way she measured ahead early on, in the accurate-u/s-dating days, I would be very surprised if we made it this far.

JessyNicole will be here before we know it!! With that, I leave you with my 38w1d belly pic. Folks, you're welcome to post B-Day/Weight predictions!

I'm Back! :)

I know it's been a long while since I posted- almost a month. Yikes! But... I do have a little list of excuses.. C'mon! You know you wanna hear 'em!

So, without much further ado, I give you:
Top 10 Excuses For Not Blogging Enough Lately

10. Fatigue
9. Laziness
8. The dog ate my computer
7. The cat scratched up my back-up hard drive after #8
6. The neighbor's dog shattered my window and I had to move quickly to keep heat from entering our house
5. Sore Boobs
4. Vomiting
3. Doctor's appointment
2. Stress

And the #1 Excuse for not blogging enough lately is...



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TWO PINK LINES!!!

During the wee, wee (get it?) hours of the morning of May 21, AF was still MIA. Unusual. A little backstory here: My chart showed a possible O-related thermal shift a little later than the date that was actually flagged as O, so I allowed for that to possibly be O and waited it out a few extra days. Still no AF. So there I sat, test saturated with my two-hour-old "FMU," watching the dye move across. A skinny line immediately appeared in the "test" area, before the dye even made it over to the "control" area. "Nah," I thought to myself, "that's just the test developing.. it'll be gone here in a minute."

I set the test down on the counter and finished up. I looked at the test again (so much for waiting a minute) and there they both were- both lines sitting brightly in all their glory. Holy Sh*t! Shocked, I cradled my forehead in my hand, took a breath and stood up. I looked over at the test again. Even brighter. Wow. Still stunned, I washed my hands, grabbed the test and headed back to bed. Except, I couldn't get to sleep. Imagine that.

Keith was slightly awake and stirred when I got back into bed and set the test on the nightstand. "How you doing," Keith's sweet voice rang out. "Not too bad," I replied. "I'm pregnant."
"Are you serious?"
"Yup," I replied, taking the test to show him while using my phone as a flashlight.
"Oh wow. I can see that one from here!"

Needless to say the excited pair did not sleep for the next two hours. A doctor's appointment was scheduled the next day for the next week. At my first sono I would measure 5-6 w, with only a gestational sac showing. HCG was 19k. A week later a baby showed, measuring 6w1d- 5mm CRL, HB of 150!

Two weeks later (yesterday) the little bean we have nicknamed Snowflake now measures about 8w3d with a HB of about 167, CRL was 19mm. S/he nearly quadrupled his/her size in two weeks!! The doc said everything looked good on the u/s. M/S was kicking my butt and I had tried pretty much all the natural treatments so it was on to the phenergan, which I was convinced helped me hold down my lunch yesterday. Haven't needed it since then, so we'll see.

Because of our previous experiences, I had been sooo afraid to make an announcement on here about this, out of fear that Snowflake would fly off to Heaven as did the others. We're not out of the woods yet of course, but we're getting there and things are still looking good. I am now past the point of both previous losses. *crosses fingers on both hands* Needless to say we're praying it stays that way and Snowflake continues to grow and thrive until we meet him/her in January. Who knows, I just may have a Super Bowl baby!

Crazy Ramblings and Bittersweet Moments

It seems like everyone around me is pg these days. My cousin (#4 for her), friends on DAM, iVillage, etc. I should be.

But I m/c'd again in January. This time was too early to get any tissue samples at all. Last February when the first m/c struck us, the tissue was supposedly too dead to get any chromosomes or anything. I wonder if my doc was just bullsh*tting me on that and they just didn't get anything b/c it was only my first. Phew. Had to get that out there. Seriously, though, if that was really the case then how come so many other angel mommies out there are able to get analysis? I mean, that was the only reason why I went to the stupid hospital in the first place. Medically speaking, everything was under control; trust me. ;)If not for this incident, I would probably have a bouncy six-month-old with me to chase around, feed, diaper and call my own (well, our own...).

It was other events that really rose my suspicions that my doc was BS'ing me on that... the impersonal personality (if that makes any sense), pushing of unnecessary meds basically on inpulse and her becoming very defensive upon my refusal of them... *sigh* It just feels like we could have gotten answers but the stupid doctors chose not to give me any. KWIM? Never got anything out of that doc but grief (most recently, anyway) for the most part.

As for happier times, everything is ok for the most part. Job search still on hold (since now is too early to look!) and Keith and I are just taking it easy now. However I do have an interview for a collections position on Wednesday and we both applied for an inbound-rep position with a phone company for which my BIL works. So wish us luck!

At least we have our health (for now, anyway, assuming that Swine Flu doesn't get us), our lives, jobs (for now), family, home, pets and cars. Lots of people can't say they even have that, unfortunately.

One day at a time. This will be a happy, good weekend, no matter what Mother Nature brings (we're supposed to get nasty weather over this weekend). More on that later.

Doc Visit Today

With Dr. D and I couldn't be happier.

I even told him about my previous bp readings, in and out of the office and he acknowledged white-coat hypertension and advised me his protocol of diagnosing real hypertension... very attractive (not simply a couple of bad readings in the office then off to drugs, like my other doc).  Dr. D said he usually takes another reading later in the visit and then may have the patient do a 5-day reading- take readings over a 5-day period and pretty much go from there. Not to mention, I didn't see any drug salespeople in the (very nice!) lobby *and* not alot of pharma junk in the office either.

I advised him on my MTHFR and we discussed using baby aspirin (85mg) once I find out I am pg again. So we will definitely try that out next time.. may not help but can't hurt. And he does do b/w "when there is a concern" (patients like me, whose body seems to like to m/c, or ectopic histories).

He was even talking to me about his experiences in Iraq (2003-2004) while he was examining me. Very interesting!  I found Dr. D and his staff to be very nice and friendly and they put me very much at ease!

Oh, and BTW, there was even a coffee maker (with different flavors of coffee and tea) and a water (hot and cold) station in the lobby!

Writer's Block

I know I want to write something, but just can't think of what. I hate when this happens!

I go in for my annual tomorrow afternoon (different doc, needless to say) with a Dr. D. From what I understand he's a nice guy and easy to be around, and so is his office staff. So that's a relief, at least.

As for the job front I have applied for two more jobs, keep your fingers crossed for me! I still haven't heard back from that other job from a couple of weeks ago yet. I tried to reach the on-site recruiter today to follow-up with her but had no luck reaching her. I only reached the voicemail.  *sigh* No VM left, at least for now... Last time I left a followup VM I literally never got a response. (This, of course, was for another job, a long time ago. Right out of college.) So this time I am going to make a concerted effort to talk to this lady.

However it's way too late for me to even be online let alone on a computer at all, so let me *try* to get off this thing. LOL yeah, right. My DFW Area Moms board beckons to me, once again. ;)

April Fools'? I think not

I am bummed. This year our present employer has decided to do away with our HMO. *sigh* This means we now get to have crappy health insurance; as in the kind where you pay a (ridiculous) deductible THEN pay more later on! What a ripoff!

Fortunately it doesn't take effect til June 1 so I have time to get whatever done... Which is why I scheduled my annual OBGYN checkup (with a different doc of course; my previous doc has actually made me leery of docs now!) for this coming week- this way if I need any follow-up checks (god-forbid) they will be covered in full. Wish me luck!

I guess that brings me to another silver lining of being laid off: I will only get two months' severance pay (hey it's better than nothing!). Severance including, of course, may paycheck, and any insurance I elect (health, vision, etc). So that means beyond June 30, I will only have coverage til the end of August. Why is that a good thing? This company wants you to do an online health assessment PLUS a physical exam, by September 1. Granted, the physical is on their dime, but here's the catch: if your health doesn't meet up to the doc's (and insurance company's) opinion- say, you're "overweight" or have "high" BP (with BP link, scroll to the top of the page and click, "High Blood Pressure is a sympton not a disease..." link), they will want you to start a "wellness" program.

Why am I leery of this? Because doctors like to jump to drugs in my experience, as my aforementioned doctor was very reluctant to go the non-drug route. Shown by her attitude in accusing me of "ignoring the problem" and insulting me in many other fashions *AFTER* I had suggested natural treatments. Basically, she wouldn't agree to it until after she had finished insulting me for not taking her potions, which have been proven to potentially cause more problems than to help. And sure enough, my "problem" had basically resolved itself. Ah, the difference a day makes. If I really had this "problem," it would have once again reared its ugly head that day too. But it didn't. I guess that makes her right... you can't ignore the problem... that doesn't exist!

Now for a little something about this aforementioned doctor visit which I have not mentioned much: In the lobby before our visit, in walks a well-dressed, young-looking man. He carried a bag with him that appeared to be full of samples. Keep in mind that this bag has a name of a widely-used drug on it. The man went inside the office. Came back out a few minutes later. To be fair he still had the full-looking bag with him, but it still raised my eyebrows and made me scratch my head later that day, especially after the doctor disclosed that the BP med she was pushing on me was a beta-blocker. The name that was on the drug bag? It is a widely-used beta-blocker that is dangerous during pregnancy. I really hope that this guy just went to the wrong office, as I am aware that is a possibility. However, shouldn't the front-desk receptionist have caught that by asking which doc he was there for? I also do not know for sure which med the doc was going to give me, if this was actually the one or not. But, still...

And the trauma continues...

...for my mom. I called her last night to wish her a happy Valentine's Day and got news back that she broke her thumb. This was her left thumb, so she now has casts on both sides of her body!! #^@&@$%&@$#^@#$%&!

Now her left WRIST and right shoulder are both in casts, for the next five weeks. Yuck.

How she found out? She was at the doc's office for a follow-up visit. She complained that her thumb was STILL hurting her (it was at the time of the injury as well). Mind you they did take x-rays in the ER but found no break. Go figure! They found the break at the doc's office, though. Turns out mom was aggravating it (inadvertently) every time she moved it. 

Other than that, however, she is okay. At least I know she is in good hands with her friend taking care of her. (Friend is an RN/BSN.)

I'm supposedly normal. (warning: another rant...)

Wow, that was fast! I got a call back from the doc's office today that my other tests that were ran last week were "normal." I guess that's good...

I made the decision over the past week that I will fire my current OB in light of  last week's events. However, the tricky part right now is who to go to. As I'm sure most of you know I'm being laid off at the end of June so while I'm pretty sure my insurance is going to change, I don't know what/who it will change to! Argh! I'd sure hate to get to know and love a new doc (assuming that's possible) then have him/her not be on my new insurance. *sigh*

Since last week I have, naturally, been doing some research and have found a lot of stuff to back me up, pretty much a "good for you, Kim, for sticking to your guns" type thing.

EFT, or the "Emotional Freedom Technique," is a form of meditation that basically helps you relax about any issues you might have. While I have only done it a couple of times now, I LOVE IT!

As for the meds she wanted to give me, a "low-dose beta blocker..." Stop right there! The more research I do on this stuff it just makes me want to puke even more! These things mess with your heart rate; they slow it down. Why, oh why, would someone want to use something like that as a first resort? An immediate fix? Look about halfway down that article and you will see (if you haven't already done so)-- they're usually not used first. hmph. What this substance does makes me uncomfortable with ever letting it between my stress-worn, licked and bitten-up lips. Last resort, please. In fact, make medication a last resort. period.

That said, I will be looking for a doc who respects those wishes, and doesn't run to pill-popping at the first sign of a "problem." Oh, yeah, one more thing..s/he can't right away accuse me of "ignoring the problem" when I refuse that medication.

Can  you tell I'm still irked about that?! lol

Anyway, sorry for my whining tonight.. just had to get that off my chest, y'all.

P.S. The running and yoga have made me feel AWESOME lately.

Regarding doctors...

So today happened to be our quarterly blood drive at work and I figured, "ah what the heck," and let the vampires take some juice. Of course anyone who has given blood before knows that they take your vitals first; temp, pulse, B/P...

My b/p reading was 122/74; much-improved over yesterday's 146/80-after-a-148/xx at the doc's office yesterday. Not bad considering where I was and everything going on ;)

I intended to call it in today to inform my doc about my check but time ran away from me today; so it's on the to-do list for tomorrow. Maybe now she'll believe me that's it's STRESS.. seriously if she'd been pushing anti-anxiety meds I might have taken her up ;)  Oy.

Update

My mom was being wheeled into surgery right as Keith and I left the hossy. We are pretty sure it's gonna take a couple of hours, but her friend is going to call us when my mom gets out of surgery.

As for the doc appointment, the tests, for the most part were normal! She did say, though that I do have one copy of one of the MTHFR genes (can't remember which one it was now!) but since it's only one it's "not significant." We had results for all but three tests, the others were run today and she'll be able to call me with those results. Not too bad.

What really blows is as a result of the layoff and my mom's surgery my BP reading was high (surprise, surprise!!). Since it was high last time (again, surprise, surprise- wouldn't you be a little agitated too if you'd just gone thru your second m/c in a row, came in from work and knew you had to go back to work?!) she wanted to shove meds down my throat, to which I said a resounding NO. I would like to try natural remedies first; so I'm gonna drop a few pounds (can't hurt either way). She still insisted initially that I shouldn't "ignore" the problem, it "needs to be treated," etc etc but I didn't budge. I don't believe in jumping straight to meds in most cases (now if I was preggo it would be a different story).

What still bothers me about what she said was when she basically said that stress had little influence over BP. Right, then. So people cannot have "white-coat" hypertension, as it's called? What about my ER visit for my first m/c- when my vitals were checked at admission it was in the same "high" range but once we went to leave it was back to the normal-for-me range. Mind you I (needless to say) still had pg hormones in me when the second reading was normal.. so if stress doesn't influence BP that much then where'd the freakin' high reading come from? It sure as h*ll wasn't my weight (which, BTW was skewed somewhat, I guarantee, b/c today AF showed!).

Uuuuugh... Thanks for letting me vent.

13 vials!!

Yup- you read right... 13 vials of blood taken at the doc's today. They did a full RPL panel- from my chromosomes to Lupus (!this one never even ocurred to me!) to clotting disorders. I know it's not the end of the world and everything will work out but it's gonna be hard to be patient for.. the next several weeks. Yup, several weeks. They send this stuff to an outside lab for analysis.

My next appt (to find out the results) is in 4 weeks- 2/3- but I looked at our calendar afterwards and realized we have a vacation planned. ARGH! So I'm going to call in tomorrow and see if we can amend things a bit. Ugh. I hate schedules.

On the bright side of things we have taken action, so I feel much better, like we are working toward an answer. Heck, even if god-forbid I do have a clotting disorder they'll just give me blood thinners- yeah I'll bruise easily but I don't care ;) Now chromosomal I have no idea. I'm NOT having an amnio when I do stay preggo. After all this cr@p I'm not going to consciously do something to put my baby at risk.