Missing You

My dear Pumpkin and Peanut,

I miss you guys so much! Pumpkin, you'd be running around the house probably by now and I wouldn't have the time to keep up with this blog as much as I do because I'd be chasing you around, along with taking care of little Peanut! I know that you guys are doing well, though, in the hands of our Good Lord and your great-grandma. I know that they are taking good care of you both. Mommy misses you both!

XOXO

It is a club nobody ever wants to join. The loss of a child, whether born or not, is horridly painful and forever ingrained in the mind of the parent(s) who were affected by it. My first angel, Pumpkin, would be a year old. Our second, Peanut, would be about a month and a half old. Once Snowflake (AKA Jessica Nicole) came along, Keith and I were terrified that something was going to happen to her. I was initially spooked at the double line on the test but then I felt a wave of confidence that all would be OK.

Even after that wave, however, I still had and have my moments of fear and what-ifs. For instance, I know it's normal, especially at this point in my pregnancy, for a baby to be quiet here and there. When I think Jessie's been quiet for too long, part of me wants to freak out until I feel her move again, then I can relax for a little while. For the most part I am OK about not panicking, repeating the ol' PAL (Preggo After a Loss) mantra: "FAITH OVER FEAR." She WILL be OK.

I just want my Pumpkin and Peanut to know that they will always have a place in Keith and my hearts and they will never be forgotten. Ever.

Godspeed, little fellas.

TGIF, I think... and more random thoughts.

Today is Friday. Hallalujah. It's been a long week. Boss man has been on medical leave for the past week and is rumored to be coming back next week (YAY! yes, I meant YAY!), which is a good thing... ht's way cool. Casual and funny, like a boss should be.

Next. Some of our sales territories migrated to the other business center as of this coming Monday. With that, some of our "extra" employees are migrating to our advanced collections department; the one that is supposedly remaining once we leave. Yeah, right.. we'll see how long that lasts. Seriously, the writing's on the wall/rumors are flying. It will be interesting, and I will be able to get updates once Keith and I are gone since my SIL also works in that department.

After work we gathered together for one last hurrah for one of said employees. She is one who has been with the company forever and is very knowlegable; our department is going to suffer a loss with her migrating! lol Happy Hour at On the Border. Chips, salsa, beer and laughter. Hell yeah! Even though we have been carefully budgeting our $$ in preparation for our own layoff, we spared a few bucks to go hang out and the change of pace was very nice. It's good to let your hair down every now and then, for the mental health if nothing else. ;)

Keith and I chilled out in the backyard for a little while until the mosquitos found out I was out there, then after that we had to head in. *sigh* Damn skeeters. Always have to ruin everything. :D  Some of those who worked with me at Six Flags will know what I'm talking about. ;)

Tomorrow I will be heading for a baby shower for a family friend of ours, then off to a birthday of a former co-worker's son, while Keith plays golf. At least we have some fun plans for tomorrow! Woohoo!

As for the job search, it is on hold for right now; it seems as though nobody's hiring for July yet, and probably won't be til June, from what I am hearing (from actual recruiters!). So we might as well take a break from that crap for a while. :) The ideal situation would be to get our severance pays then start a job soon after the layoff, as it almost feels like a gamble to jump off this ship too early. (No severance if we leave early, then that crazy glass-is-half-empty person in me asks what if I am laid off from that job? I have actually read about this happening. yuck. I hate searching for jobs!) In a way I feel cheated by this layoff, as I was going to look seriously into our TL (team lead) development program- basically management training. Now I will have to start all over again. Last time I tried to develop my leadership skills, office politics got in the way. (long story, it's a whole other posting, trust me)

New Year's SUCKS!! (same as iVillage*)

Guess I should watch what I wish for. This morning I saw a little bleeding, took another HPT and sure enough, BFN. Not sure if my doc is in tomorrow or not but I definitely want to talk to her.. of course she may just want to wait to see what the b/w says on Monday and go from there, but I think I definitely want to get some testing (clotting? sturctural?) done.

I think I am a disaster magnet for New Years. A few years back we had an ice storm on NYE and I had my first car wreck- b/c of the ice. Then the next year I dislocated my kneecap at work, same date. Bleh. I hate New Year's.

I'll say it again... NEW YEAR'S SUCKS!!

I swear, if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. I'd actually prefer the latter, I THINK...

*I don't intend to say that iVillage sucks, just that this post is the same as what I posted over there... *blush*